Monday, December 22, 2008

Santa Claus: An Engineer’s Perspective

I thought you could use something a little lighter...
I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau).

At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

II. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second --- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

III. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them--- Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance --- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake.

The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

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6 Comments:

Blogger Morgan said...

OH MY GOSH....I have never laughed so hard....lol....

December 23, 2008 at 5:21 AM  
Anonymous Jeremy said...

You didn't take into consideration the reindeer dust (similar to peter pan's pixie dust) and magic sack (like mary poppin's bag) - which we logically know must bring things back into equilibrium. In fact it seems a small step from your figures to calculate the exact offsets provided by the dust and sack against the forces of nature!

December 23, 2008 at 12:00 PM  
Anonymous steve martin said...

That was terrific!

Merry Christmas, Steve, to you and your family and to all at your wonderful site!

December 24, 2008 at 10:24 AM  
Blogger Thankful Paul said...

Hello

December 28, 2008 at 11:27 AM  
Blogger Justin said...

Fellow Follower of Christ
My name is Justin Deweese and I am a Professional Speaker and a Church Planter from Chattanooga, TN. I love Jesus and love to communicate His Word. If you need someone to speak in a relevant, engaging, funny, life changing way to your students and encourage them in God’s Word, I would love the opportunity. I would love to attend a D-Now, summer camp or any other event you may have. Check out www.justindeweese.com and you can listen to an audio or video message. God bless and Happy New Year. Nice Blog.

January 2, 2009 at 1:43 PM  
Anonymous Shane Vander Hart said...

Trying to catch up on my blog reading :). I've seen this before and I laugh every time.

January 3, 2009 at 9:02 AM  

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